"It was only last week that I saw him. I wonder if I have already waited long enough to message him."
Vani sat on the chair in her room. All the ways that it could go wrong kept flashing through her mind. If it hadn't been this dire a situation that her mind had created, she probably wouldn't even have had the courage to send him a friend request.
Now that both of them had to walk down separate paths, she decided it was an all or none situation — a zero or one. Either it will happen, or it won't. And this thought environment let her open up the chat head and start contemplating about what should the first message be.
"Vani! Come down! Dinner is almost ready", shouted her mother as she tasted the Palak Paneer that had been on the stove for somewhat over 20 minutes now.
The girl went down, sat on the chair on kept thinking about what to do when she gets back to her room — occasional smiling and giggle with a few anxious moments on how it will turn out.
"What's so funny? Lost in some other world, are you?", asked her mother, smiling and serving the food.
"Oh, it's nothing. It's just another story I am writing for my blog. It's about how a girl falls in love with a boy but isn't able to speak what she wishes to because she is scared of making a mistake, getting misunderstood and all because of not being able to choose the right words. It's one that entails her hardships and how she overcomes them."
"Vani, frankly speaking, you can always come to me for some love advice! If you have someone on your mind, just go get him, girl!"
"Believe me when I say it, there does not exist any first sentence that is perfect. It has to be a whole conversation. It is never the first sight but the journey two people make that decides of whether or not their relationship is made or broken."
She took up the plates as Vani ran from the dinner table up to her room, blushing and embarrassed of how her mother always is able to look through her veil straight to the core.
Ping! Kaushal just posted.
She unlocks her phone to see his new post.
"Hey, friends! So, I am starting a blog. I'd love if you could give it a visit and leave me comments about the same. ☺"
She quickly opens up his message chat-head. She knew exactly what to message him.
"Hey there! Read your post just now. Loved it. It's nice to find fellow bloggers!"
I looked upon as when she cried, people laughed. Whenever she mustered up enough courage to proclaim the truth she stood by, people were always there to show her down. Whenever she did something not in conformation with the societal standards, she was hammered down with insults and berated.
She had her voice, but they wouldn't let her speak.
She had her eyes, but they wouldn't let her see.
She had her ambitions, but for them,
They were all fairy tales and probably insane.
She was a person,
But they took her rights over and over again.
I know what she felt whenever I looked at her. I fell in love with her because of who she was, but little did I know, that it was all mirror neurons at work. Hah! Who would've thought that Psychology can so easily throw away the concept of love, the concept upon which it's predecessor is based, Philosophy.
Now, I'm here in the balcony of a materialistic luxury I intended to have, with the wind blowing against my face, with the birds chirping away in the distance, with the trees setting the perfect mood for life to be realized, unlike whatever one ever felt. The sun is setting and as I'm watching upon the fake horizon built by assuming the building huge that stand to be the mountain ranges as if mother nature hasn't been destroyed but destroyed, I am mesmerized. And she, she is somewhere where people accept her for who she is. I live my life like she did, now that she is gone, fearless unlike when I used to join the crowd and started calling her names and showed as if I looked down upon her just to be accepted by a society so illusioned by the concept of normal without ever realizing that normal is just what mass is due to everyone being fake because someone was imitated first and the ripple just made everyone into a stance of that first person.
But I know she is happy, even after having kids like us. For what she always intended for her students who she treated as her own kids was to reach their ambitions and in all sense, be who they are, not somebody else.
For heaven is a place to be,
Where angels reside.
And if you're meant to go there
Then you would sleep peacefully tonight.
Note: Recently an angel came into my life for a short while just to teach me what I was missing in all of works, in my life in general. Though I couldn't realize initially why was she there, I did eventually when I read the story she so beautifully told. This post is dedicated to her.
Keep on reading! Great content is on it's way!
Ere one pale soldier ,
Whose it is, this hemic stretch of land?
Soldier give your soul and heart!
For now will a new era of peace depart.
Glory we longed,
Now with blood drenched.
Long for a sight of home ,
with crosses in our fists clenched.
All the leader had to do was walk away,
While young blood to their their gory ends did foray.
Some that left ,would not have their lores sung,
Nor Their lovers have their bells rung.
None to hold them by their helm,
Just a picture to hang on the withered ,
Living room elm.
Living rooms are not places for such men,
Who died a death so refulgent,
At least for their legend.
With thoughts as these I haul my gun.
But a rather inapt thought leaves me stun.
In this unknown land,
widowed the two of us stand.
With no one to defend,
Not to make fence, of barbs, that hate does bend.
Our eyes but do exchange a glaze,
the dying faces, the gunfire, the haze.
Our souls were both set ablaze.
For what we fought , we did not know
And our sense of pride in a twinkling did go.
We started to limp towards one another
Did not know what to expect,
In battle, uniform adjudges your brother.
Not a word between us was said,
We fell to the ground,
In tears were our emotions were read.
I would never know who was that soldier,
Nor why i didn’t let loose on him my holder.
A human he is and so am I.
All your glorious metal cordons do i deny.
Today I remember that day with tear and a sigh.
But perhaps we had the company of a dove,
Was encircling us both, it had finally found love.
In that barren shred of land,
We felt like peace could really be at hand.
Amidst the sunny, bright daylight
The dark clouds amassed
And filled the sky
Changing the weather.
Suddenly there was
Light and thunder
The calm grounds
Rose to life
The peaceful breeze
A storm had arrived
Bringing with it
Chaos and a deplorable sight.
Even before the clouds
Could put off their
The sea started
On its own accord
As if to meet
The dark, scary sky.
Before there could be destruction
Of any kind
He came along,
And pulled me out of my own head.
As he held my hand
And hugged me tight
Put my heart to peace
He whispered a little piece
No matter what,
I will love you
For you are the princess
I gave birth to.
Come what may
You can get through
That you want to.”
The calmness of his voice
The smile of his lips
The glitter in his eyes
The sunny day of my mind.
Immediately I skipped with joy
Because I could see
The far away sky
To my dreams.
(This post was originally published on Skrible)
What would it take to see you? Gold or my soul, or was it something not? Something that I'll have to realize before I can do so. Was my whole life a paradox? I did not know then, nor do I now.
There is essentially no difference in who I was then and who I am now.
Not really, except some factuality issues that have crept up to me, creeping up slowly like a snail but intelligently like a snake. Trying to find those holes you left, where it would enter and destroy my inner self and you in the process. Except that I have grown thinner and thinner and though I don't know it but I do, since you don't care for me like you did anyways. And that since the day you decided to walk into that never ending tunnel, where darkness lurks even where there is light, I have been incomplete. I have been broken like never before and having you here makes no sense at all.
For I remember the time at Hawaii we spent, all the beautiful memories we created, and all the joy we felt. I still remember when you forced me to spend our summers in India and we did so, making trips beautiful to our hearts. But that one memory etched in my heart is still of the wind blowing away from the vast strength of the ocean, like it has come to greet you, it's new queen with gifts of glory and majesty through it's power of turning a lovely moment into a priceless one. One that couldn't ever be replicated, at least in my hearts of hearts it won't.
And though we are, once again, at that same place and I know how you look, how you look when the wind blows, still what wouldn't I give for the sight to do so, once again.
I remember my mother’s eyes were keen enough to see,
Made our sand castles 5 Cms away to be.
So that they remain intact with their glorious Heights,
Not losing their existence to one another,
Instigating a fight.
Nevertheless we promised our dream homes to Be,
Besides one another so as to see,
What toys one friend may hook,
The other would admire with a jocular look.
Not reckoning whether even that house will ever Stand.
Hanging on our dreams and friendship,
A common land.
Fool think I, I did not know.
Dreams of childhood with senelity go.
Crossed we but our paths,
Those dreams were not recollected,
Even with a joyous laugh.
But somewhere inside I do recite,
Liar I am today, what I said back then
Had my innocent soul’s gleaming light.
Yet the menace of the year have,
Have put us in this stranger's plight.
And so did our 5cms grew apart.
Our home but addresses on the visiting card.
Our toys were not shared ,
And nothing more than a pleasantry was dared.
Beside the dwindling trees, here do i stand,
Cold from within, this snow clad land.
Made out of love, yet none ever felt.
Aching for some care, yet with warmth melt.
That scarf i have does bring no good.
That red nose of mine, not a smell understood.
For none there is that will entrust me with some sense.
A phantom of imagination, hiding a pain so dense.
We meet and to our boredom we tend.
But I never find someone who would a loving hand lend.
Would lead me to, some place so warm,
would forget my existence, such emotions swarm.
Yet i would then feel no pain,
would let go of this life , this cold misery, this bane.
A loving hand do i long to find,
A hug so warm, with feelings twined.
Yet i may lose all that I have.
This land of mine, my logic in command.
Even still I long to be disband,
Knowing i wouldn't be sung,
for this is no sand.
Risking all and taking none.
For when i feel the warmth of my loving sun,
nothing but my bitter coldness would it burn.
For even if i do reside in one warm hug of some passersby,
My scarf, this life would have something to be told.
A snowman so warm, with love not cold.
So will you just beside me stand.
For when I die, the touch of your loving hand......
Ahoy! Welcome to the crew, mate. Rishabh this side. This blog is a creation straight from my heart, inked in letters of disguised glory meant to squander the knowledge I've gained and the experiments I conduct in secrecy from the ignorant world.